Blogosphere wasn't even a word in my vocabulary until this week. Now I'm lost in it. Not lost in an existential sense, but literally lost, like being in a country where you only know enough of the language to book a hotel room or find a bathroom.
I started a blog because I'm a lifelong writer who wasn't writing, except for sad little journal entries. Not sad because of the content, but because, to my mind at least, they need to be shared. I have so many interests it boggles my mind sometimes. Trying to create an order to my life that includes at least the primary ones is a challenge to say the least.
Writing for me is like an old marriage. I take writing for granted, and I ignore my need for it. So I started a blog, and now I find myself part of this wonderful but overwhelming new world, complete with its own social structure and linguistic eccentricities.
Today I spent so long dicking around with Google, trying to figure out how to get my posts to be announced on my Facebook, that I missed my evening walk to the church. Again.
The irony, of course, is that one of the main things I've been wanting to write about are these walks.
I procrastinated finishing Pumpkins and Pollinators: Part Two by following up on comments I had made elsewhere on Blogger.
I had big plans today. I was going to clean the whole house (well, at least mop the kitchen and vacuum the living room) because I'm throwing a dinner party for my eldest's 18th birthday tomorrow night. And while an 18th birthday is a huge milestone under any circumstances, this one is especially so, because she's the kind of kid who was born older than she is. She should have been 18 when she was 15. She went to southeast Asia for three weeks when she was 13 and - thank God I didn't know this at the time - wandered the streets of Sri Lanka by herself, which was against the rules of the school group she went with, needless to say.
But I digress. The sense of almost bewilderment I'm currently experiencing is because I feel like I've opened Pandora's Box. I'm writing again and have too many ideas. I often think about this story in one of the Sandman comic books by Neil Gaiman, where the guy is cursed with ideas. They just keep coming and coming until they drive him mad.
That's why I've avoided writing, because it acts like alcohol poured on a fire. If I don't write, I can at least keep the fire from burning down the house.
So now here I am with all these things I want to write about, but today, instead of trying to get ANY of it down, I got sucked into all these non-writing aspects of blogging.
I got some really good advice tonight, though. From my sort-of partner, baby daddy. God, I wish there was an adequate word. My not-husband, not-boyfriend, more than a friend, we'll figure it out as we go life partner with no commitment.
What he said was "Keep it pure."
So here I am, typing away, pouring it all out, because one thing I told myself about this blogging business is that I would be honest. Fear of honesty is one of the things that's kept me away from writing. Fear of being turned inside out, raw, with my guts spilling everywhere.
I'm just going to write, and let the widgets and gadgets find their way to me later. Or not.